


The Wall Between Us

by ChasetheWindTouchtheSky



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Clarke-centric, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, My own 5x10, Where Clarke goes back for Bellamy, Which I haven't seen, but its not super graphic, lots of angst due to infection-driven fevers, there's a fight, this is more Clarke's internal reaction to 'they are my family', you know how that goes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-18
Updated: 2018-07-22
Packaged: 2019-06-12 08:38:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15336054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChasetheWindTouchtheSky/pseuds/ChasetheWindTouchtheSky
Summary: The drive away from the bunker may as well have been the distance from the Ark to the Ground.Clarke grips the wheel, her mind replaying Bellamy’s face over and over again. She sees his shock, his betrayal, his fear. They play on repeat as a cacophony of ‘together, together, together’ supply the beat. Clarke berates herself for letting Bellamy sneak into her heart so quickly and take over any rational thought. Her fingers tighten on the wheel as if she’s physically telling herself she must stay. She must stay on course. Ever since she let Bellamy back in her life, she’s been like a boat without a rudder, aimlessly drifting to sea while he tells her that he has her back.And she drifts, making nothing but waves for others to drown in.~~~~~~~Clarke goes back to the bunker to fight for Bellamy's life, even though his words from the day before echo in her mind, reminding her where she really stands. 5x10 alternate because I hear Bellarke didn't interact in tonight's episode and I decided to write stuff.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys!
> 
> I haven’t seen 5x10 yet, but this has been rolling around in my thoughts ever since the slap and separation. I mentioned on Tumblr I would love it if Clarke had some memories / techniques from when she had the Flame (since Raven can now code like a mad woman), so this is an exploration of that. Clearly, this won’t happen, but I’m writing this mainly for me. Hopefully you’ll like it too! Much love! <3

THE WALL BETWEEN US

_By ChasetheWindTouchtheSky_

The drive away from the bunker may as well have been the distance from the Ark to the Ground.

 

Clarke grips the wheel, her mind replaying Bellamy’s face over and over again. She sees his shock, his betrayal, his fear. They play on repeat as a cacophony of _‘together, together, together’_ supply the beat. Clarke berates herself for letting Bellamy sneak into her heart so quickly and take over any rational thought. Her fingers tighten on the wheel as if she’s physically telling herself she must stay. She must stay on course. Ever since she let Bellamy back in her life, she’s been like a boat without a rudder, aimlessly drifting to sea while he tells her that he has her back.

 

And she drifts, making nothing but waves for others to drown in.

 

“We have to go back.” Madi insists. “If we don’t, Bellamy will die. There’s no way he can beat Indra.”

 

Madi’s been awake for a while now, but Clarke has been doing her best to pretend she’s not. Now, she’s speaking of Indra as if she _knows_ her, which, much to Clarke’s dismay, she supposes she does. Because now her head is filled with the commanders before her and the unwavering loyalty of Indra to Lexa. Clarke’s chest twinges at the thought of her, trying not to see the last few moments of Lexa’s life before her eyes.

 

The Flame is a parasite. It buries its way into someone’s brain and takes residence there, creating a target on their back. Madi’s parents did everything they could to keep her away from the violence that came with the Flame and Clarke vowed to uphold that legacy. Now? Now she’s marching Madi into violence whichever direction they go into.

 

Clarke is very tired. She desperately longs for the quiet evenings she and Madi would share when they stared at the night sky. She didn’t realize having people back in their lives would cause chaos in her heart.

 

“You can’t just ignore the fact that we left Bellamy to die!” Madi exclaims, reaching out to grab the wheel of the Rover. She manages to get a hold of it and Clarke loses her grip, the vehicle swerving out of control. Clarke uses all her strength to right it, nearly running them into a ditch of sand Clarke knows from experience would take days to dig out. “You said he would never leave you. He would never leave you, Clarke!”

 

Clarke grits her teeth. She is not arguing this with a child, and furthermore, the last person she wants to speak about Bellamy is with Madi.

 

“He always came back for you. He even went to space and he came back for you! We need to save them!”

 

“We are not going back!” Clarke shouts, surprised by her own voice. However, even with its volume, it quivers. It shakes. It provides the cracks in the foundation that Madi needs to destroy any argument she once had.

 

“He was your best friend!” She shouts.

 

“Madi—”

 

“You talked to him every day. You told me stories about him _every day._ And you’re just going to leave him to die? What kind of person are you?”

 

“I am doing the best I can!” Clarke screams back.

 

Slamming her foot on the break, she stares out the windshield. She hears Madi’s heavy breathing next to hers and she tells herself that she cannot cry. She has to be strong for Madi, she can’t explain the betrayal and the fear she feels in her bones. The dismay that the one person she trusted more than anyone would hurt her in this way.

 

It isn’t the enemy that can destroy you. It is the friend. The lover. The partner.

 

Clarke’s lower lip trembles as she thinks of Bellamy and everything they’ve been through. The loneliness that spread in her soul like a disease had all but been eradicated when he was back. Then he replaced it with hurt and hatred and expected her to risk Madi’s life for his?

 

_Together._

 

“Fuck me,” Clarke breathes.

 

Forcing the car into park, Clarke heaves a sigh and turns to Madi. “Do you remember the cave we took cover in a couple years ago? It’s on the edge of the valley and next to the stream? When the lightning storms got particularly bad when we were hunting?”

 

Madi looks at Clarke suspiciously. “Yeah…?”

 

“Go there. It can’t be more than a mile or two. Once you get there, start a fire deep in the cave where you can’t see the light from the outside. Find a way to bring water into the cave and clean as much off as you can.”

 

Madi frowns. “Clarke, why are you asking me to do this?”

 

Clarke shuts her eyes.

 

_We’ll go to the valley. Together._

 

“I’m going back.”

 

“I’m going with you—”

 

“—no you’re not. Octavia already tried to have you executed, I don’t want you near her. You are going to set up for Bellamy, Indra, and Gaia and I’m going to meet you in three hours. Do you hear?” Clarke says, gripping Madi’s shoulders. “Three. Hours.”

 

Madi nods, her breath growing short.

 

Clarke tilts her head to the back of the truck. “Take the first aid supplies we keep in here, just in case something happens. Set it up for all scenarios. Heat some water, have fresh water on hand, and do your best to sterilize the instruments like I taught you, okay?” Clarke holds Madi’s shoulders, afraid to let her go.

 

Every time they part, it could be the last time. Clarke came to terms with her death six years ago, the moment she stood at the bottom rung of the speaker tower and knew she’d be left behind. Everything since them has felt like borrowed time, as if Death would finally come to claim its debt. “I love you.” Clarke says, her words choking. “Please know that everything I’ve done has been to try and keep you safe.”

 

Madi’s eyes water and the anger and rebellion from only moments before dissipate. “I know.” She breathes, her words faltering. Reaching out, Madi wraps her arms around Clarke’s neck. “I love you too.”

 

Clarke holds on a bit longer than she should. She knows every second could be fatal to Bellamy, but she’s afraid. She’s afraid of what Wonkru means for Madi, she’s afraid of the family she’s no longer apart of with Spacekru, and she’s afraid that she no longer belongs.

 

Everyone parted ways and she was supposed to greet Death. Instead? She was greeted by an empty earth.

 

Madi hops out of the Rover and sprints, her small legs kicking up dust in the air. Clarke watches her until she’s nothing more than a pin prick in the horizon. “May we meet again.” Clarke says shakily, unable to keep the tears back now that she’s gone.

 

The drive back to Polis is confusing. Every emotion imaginable is hitting her all at once and there’s nothing she can do about it. She’s terrified of Octavia, hurt by Bellamy, angry with how everyone has destroyed the home she so lovingly put together. When the decimated buildings of Polis come into view, Clarke is hit by the strong urge to turn back and run away from it all. Except, Clarke never could run. She never could ask the world for more than she would ask for herself.

 

Stopping the Rover outside the bunker entrance, Clarke hops out of the car and holsters her gun, knowing it’s a useless piece of machinery anyways. She slams the door shut and leaves her hand on it for a beat longer, allowing herself to catch her breath and wayward thoughts. She knows the moment she steps into that bunker, there’s no turning back. So she takes a breath, wipes under her eyes, and embraces the flames of war.

 

She hears Wonkru before she sees them. The further she makes her way into the bowels of Pandora’s Box, the louder the noise scratches against the walls. People barely cast her a glance because they’re pressed against the chain link fence of the arena, pressing their faces from whatever is placed in their. Clarke sees Octavia in her throne, her eyes hard and set in the sight before them, no emotion playing on her face. Clarke takes this as a good sign. She manages to shove her way to the front, her breath escaping the moment she sees them.

 

Bellamy, Indra, and Gaia. They’re bound, gagged, and on their knees, straight as they can with the harsh shrieks of Wonkru resounding in the bunker. Clarke sees Bellamy.

 

She _sees_ Bellamy.

 

The anger, the betrayal, the fear? It dissipates in a moment. She wants to hold onto it, she wants to hold onto every part of it, but she’s finding it escapes hers. Instead, she feels everything she did six years ago as she watched the rocket launch in the sky. She yearns. She mourns.

 

She breaks.

 

“Blodreina!” Clarke shouts, her mind set on what she has to do.

 

That’s when Wonkru starts paying attention to her. Clarke makes her way down the steps to the ground floor of the arena, pausing where Miller is standing guard at the entrance. Without any hesitation, he whips his gun so that it points at her forehead. She doesn’t flinch. She doesn’t cower. Because what they don’t know? What all of Wonkru doesn’t know?

 

Clarke is made from the fire of Praimfaya and she’s here to burn.

 

“I demand a trade!”

 

It’s an outrageous enough request to where the members of the bunker don’t immediately respond. She hears their confusion and hesitation. Clarke watches as Octavia hoists herself out of her chair to get a better look. “Get out of my way, Miller.” Clarke threatens.

 

He moves so the gun’s barrel presses against her forehead. “I don’t answer to you anymore, Griffin.”

 

Clarke holds her tongue, wanting to say something foolish, but is saved when Octavia shouts, “Let her through.”

 

Clarke watches as Miller then hesitates, but only for a second. She can see his jaw twitch, but he lowers his weapon and moves ever so slightly so she can squeeze into the arena.

 

Even though Wonkru is quiet, it sounds deafening. Every footstep she takes echoes in her ears and her breath is escaping her, as if running away from Death itself. Clarke pointedly does her best not to look at where Bellamy kneels, tied and prepared to die by his sister’s orders.

 

They came to the ground together. Clarke watched a love she’d never understand. A love none of them could never understand because they were never given the opportunity. A love that could decimate them over time.

 

“I demand a trade.” Clarke repeats, grateful Bellamy is gagged. She can vaguely hear him making some sort of ruckus against his bindings, but she pays him no attention. “He is innocent.”

 

Finally Wonkru makes some noise. They scream and pound against the chain link fence, hurling insults and anger her way. Octavia moves closer. “Do not lie to me, Clarke. Not when I’ve just given you your life back.”

 

“Have you?” Clarke asks, her voice low, but loud enough for everyone to hear. “Because you sent your own people to execute Madi and myself only hours ago. You would rather murder a twelve-year-old and call them a coward for running, than admit the cowardice in yourself.”

 

Even from afar, Clarke can see the rage rolling off of Octavia. “Why don’t I have all four of you fight?”

 

“Because,” Clarke continues. “I know you, Octavia. At least, I know who you were. And the person I knew wouldn’t sacrifice their own brother when he was innocent.” That’s when Clarke knows she has her. Octavia grips the railing but doesn’t interrupt her, as if pleading for Clarke to give her an out of killing Bellamy.

 

Clarke pauses.

 

This is when the world shifts.

 

“I poisoned the food. I manipulated Bellamy into trying to plead with your humanity. I have been speaking with Gaia this entire time. We hid the fact that Madi was a real Nightblood and then when you found out, I’ve been backtracking since. I was the one who made the deal with Diyoza for your life. It was all me.”

 

That’s the thing about lying. Shroud it with the truth and no one can contradict you.

 

“Lies!” Octavia shouts from her pedestal. “I watched my brother do nothing!”

 

Clarke remains calm. “Does that sound like Bellamy to you? Your brother who would do anything for you? Who shot a Chancellor for you? Who came to the ground for you? Who risked all of humanity for you?” Clarke asks, willing herself to stay strong.

 

“Or does that sound like me?”

 

Then Clarke feels brave enough to sneak a look.

 

When she catches Bellamy’s eye, they’re filled with tears. A few have already rolled down his cheeks, but there’s nothing he can do when bound and gagged. The anger and betrayal is still there, cutting her like a knife when she looks at him. The person who insisted she wasn’t his family. Yet? Here she is, like the pathetic human she is, ready to trade her life.

 

“Don’t punish Bellamy for something I manipulated him into doing. You know who I am, Octavia. You know what I’ve done.” Clarke says. “You know he couldn’t do this.”

 

The arena is silent. Clarke waits for an answer. It seems to take forever, but when Octavia shouts “Trade!”, it’s as if all sound evaporates. Clarke feels like the world is pressed underwater as someone behind her shoves her to the ground and suddenly she’s on her knees before Bellamy. A gag is wrapped around her mouth and she can’t breathe, only feet apart from the person who betrayed her.

 

The traitor who she loved.

 

Once Bellamy is free, he places his hands on her face. “Why would you do that?” He cries, his voice harsh. Even if she could answer, she isn’t given an opportunity. He’s hoisted to her feet and dragged out of the arena. “No!” Clarke can hear him screaming. “She’s lying! It was me! Octavia, _no! Octavia!”_

 

A few weapons are scattered in the middle of the arena and Clarke is tossed in her own corner, equidistant from Gaia and Indra. Her hands tingle as she looks at the blades, her mind running away from her. Someone tears the gag off and unties her hand, but she doesn’t pay attention to them. “Okay Clarke,” she whispers to herself, her fingers ghosting along the scar that runs down her neck.

 

Octavia stands, speaking to Wonkru, except Clarke doesn’t pay attention to the words. She instead stares at the weapons. There are many things Clarke never told people. She never told them about her first kiss. She never told them about her life in solitary. She never told them about how many times she broke down when the weight of the world was literally placed on her shoulders, as she had to make the decision time and time again of who would live and die. But in this moment? The most important thing she never told anyone?

 

The ghost of the Flame stays with her.

 

Once Octavia gives the cue, Clarke sprints toward the center of the ring, sliding so that she wraps her hands around one of the weapons in the center. It’s a long broad sword and Clarke thinks to herself, _Asgeda._

 

Flinging her hands upwards, she slams the hilt of the sword against Gaia’s chin before she can even reach a weapon. The woman stumbles back, her mouth filled with blood as she’s done so. With a quick slice, Clarke slashes across her chest so that a slice carves from collarbone to hip. Except, she pulls it. She doesn’t bury her sword within Gaia, she flinches and makes sure it’s nothing more than a superficial cut, quick to bleed, but not to end her life. With a swift motion, Clarke slams the base of her weapon on the back of Gaia’s head so she crumbles to the ground.

 

Indra makes an inhuman noise at the exchange that can’t have lasted more than a few seconds. Without hesitation, Indra charges her way, sword brandished and lethal. _Trikru._ Clarke thinks, flipping her weapon.

 

The Flame may have only been in her neck for a few hours, but she feels the Commanders within her spirit. It’s what Bellamy would never understand about what he did to Madi. To him, it was nothing more than a means to an end – capitalizing on the beliefs of a superstitious clan. Clarke saw the detriment of the Flame.

 

She saw Ontari massacre the children for power. She saw Lexa’s life drain before her. She felt every last one of them within her when she took the Flame, felt every last heartbreaking end. They imprinted on her, left her with skills she never imagined and she passed what she could onto Madi. Most importantly?

 

They left her with the burden of humanity.

 

No, Bellamy would never understand the Flame.

 

The weight.

 

Parrying Indra’s blow, Clarke finds it hard to keep up with a brutal rage before her. She’s on the defensive, blocking swing after swing. Indra manages to cut the side of her arm, the blade slicing a large chunk of skin. The crowd loses it when she does so.

 

With a brandishing swing, Clarke slices against Indra’s leg, causing her to stumble. Clarke does her best to ignore the searing pain coming from her arm where black blood is dripping onto the ground. “How did you learn to fight?” Indra says through gritted teeth, hand to her thigh as blood seeps through her fingers.

 

Clarke doesn’t flinch. “The Commanders taught me.”

 

Spinning, she swipes across Indra’s chest, too deep for her liking, forcing Indra to drop to the ground completely. Trying not to let the panic seep in, Clarke strikes her across the face with the hilt of her sword again, drawing Indra into unconsciousness.

 

Clarke surveys Indra and Gaia, hoping their unconsciousness will be enough. Pools of blood collect under them and they truly appear dead, even causing Clarke some anxiety she can’t control. She tells herself it’s not real, that she didn’t really kill them, but they’re so still.

 

Wonkru’s noises scratch against the walls of the bunker.

 

Octavia puts up a hand and everyone settles. Clarke can barely see her, but she knows she’s focused on Indra’s still body. Tilting her head like an animal about to attack prey, she says, “You have not earned off your debt.”

 

“Have you?” Clarke challenges back.

 

Tension smothers the arena. Clarke doesn’t back down. “What about the lives you’ve sent to die? Your crimes against Wonkru?”

 

Octavia leans against the railing. “I would watch your tongue, Clarke. Otherwise I’ll come down there and finish the job.”

 

“Why don’t you?” Clarke shouts, trying to ignore the apprehension building. “Because from what I can see, you tried to murder a child to remain in power. Whose to say you don’t belong in here with me?”

 

“You are not a member of Wonkru!”

 

“But you made Madi one! And you tried to execute her for existing! You performed a crime against Wonkru itself!” Clarke knows she’s hit a chord. Even imprisoned, she heard the ramblings of rebellion. She heard the whispers of alliances shifting. She knew what words to play. “You want to kill Wanheda once and for all? Come down here and do it yourself!”

 

Shrieks of challenge claw at her and she watches as it works.

 

“Clarke, no!”

 

Bellamy’s voice is like a clear shot in the arena. The only thing that can cause her to pause. She searches until she finds him, in the upper level, surrounded by guards. His fingers wrap around the chain link fence and she can see him considering what he can do.

 

“You want the power of Wonkru?” Clarke says, facing away from him. “Then don’t be the coward who sends another man to murder a child for you! Kill me your damned self!”

 

Without another second, Octavia swings her legs over the barrier, bounding down so she lands in the arena. Unsheathing her sword, she snarls at Clarke, “Big words for someone left behind by _everyone._ ”

 

In the back of her mind, Clarke knows time is running out. Even with how careful she tried to be, she isn’t certain she’s remained fully careful. Casting a quick look at both Gaia and Indra, Clarke states, “Big words coming from a child murderer.”

 

Without another word Octavia sprint in her direction, an animalistic howl emitting from her throat. Clarke calls on every ghost that has haunted her mind since A.L.I.E.; Ontari, Lexa, and every Commander before her that led their people with a ferocity that could only be gained by murdering their own classmates. She parries, blocks, and swipes against Octavia again and again, even earning some incredulous looks from Blodreina herself.

 

As time continues, the sloppier Octavia gets. Her wild rage is like an out of control brush fire, unable to control even itself.

 

Except, like brushfires, it still is lethal.

 

Clarke whimpers when Octavia’s blade meets her side, embedding into her waist with a sharp movement. Octavia grins wickedly when she swings it across, black blood dousing her blade with the cheers of Wonkru growing louder. Except Clarke doesn’t take a moment. She will the pain away and swings the flat side of her own sword against Octavia’s cheeks, causing her to stumble backwards.

 

Lunging forward and ignoring the pain screaming at her side, Clarke swipes against Octavia’s skin again and again, littering her arms and legs with cuts that mount until the floor of the arena is wet with blood. With a particularly fierce swing, Clarke smacks the hilt of her weapon against her head as she did with Indra, watching Blodreina crumble to the ground.

 

Pressing one foot against Octavia’s hand holding her sword and the other against her throat, Clarke looms over her as the blade falls from her fingertips. Clarke brings her sword against Octavia’s throat, pressing until she sees the seeping of blood against her skin.

 

“Look into my eyes,” Clarke demands, moving her face closer to Octavia’s. “You must face what you have become.”

 

Octavia wrestles with Clarke’s grasp, but she’s too dazed to do anything powerful enough to get out. Clarke catches Bellamy’s eye and sees his horror from far away. Anger, hurt, and rage is back and for a moment, Clarke thinks she can do it. She can really do it.

 

She can hurt him like he hurt her.

 

Clarke deflates. It would be transforming into a monster she could never recover from.

 

“Look into my eyes Blodreina.” Clarke states slowly. “Look at the world as you lose everything. But I won’t kill you today.” Clarke says, fixing her attention to Bellamy. “Because unlike some, I keep my promises.”

 

She watches as he crumbles.

 

“But I will be taking my life, Bellamy, and the bodies of those I have bested. And know, if ever cross me or Madi again, Wanheda will not be so generous with your life.”

 

With a violent swing, Clarke knocks Octavia out, her head lolling on the arena floor. She points at a flabbergasted member of Wonkru. “Help me bring them to the Rover!” She shouts, pointing her blade at Gaia and Indra.

 

No one moves for a moment. She can tell that they are all considering whether to kill her or not. She holds her breath, waiting for someone to make a move. With Octavia unconscious on the ground she genuinely doesn’t know what they will do. Except then they grab their bodies and she motions them to follow her. “Him too.” She snaps, moving forward.

 

She doesn’t say anything when they place Gaia and Indra in the back of the Rover, covered in blood. She doesn’t say anything when someone shoves Bellamy against the side of the Rover and he stumbles in the passenger side, his mouth agape. She doesn’t say anything when she hops in the driver’s seat, her side searing with pain and hands wet with blood.

 

For miles, she doesn’t say anything.

 

“Clarke,” Bellamy starts.

 

“Don’t.” She snaps, her finger up.

 

He lets out a noise that she can’t quite detect. Frustrated? Hurt? She doesn’t know.

 

A few minutes later, he tries again. “Stop it!” She shouts, unable to control the rage pouring out of her. “You are not allowed to talk to me!”

 

“Clarke, I did what I—”

 

“No! Stop talking!” Clarke almost screams the words, her eyes filling with tears. “Stop talking or I’ll kick you out of the Rover right now!”

 

So he doesn’t say anything else.

 

They drive in silence. Clarke is very aware of his presence, like he’s touching her. She feels him on her skin, she hears his words against her neck.

 

Clarke slows the closer they make it to the cave, turning the Rover off when she can see the flickering of the fire deep within its depths. Hopping out of the Rover, Clarke jogs to the mouth when she hears it.

 

Voices.

 

Multiple voices.

 

Panic and dread overcome her and she hands her gun to Bellamy, whose own eyes widen. She places her fingers in the cave and he nods as if he gets it. Perhaps he does. Maybe one day past all this, they will get each other again. Clarke shakes her head of the foolish thoughts. They were destroyed with the Flame, just like everything she’s loved.

 

Clarke holds her sword from the arena defensively, stepping quietly in the cave. Bellamy points his gun at the shadows, moving too close to her. She wants to yell at him to get away, to leave her alone. Too long had it been instinct to be near her.

 

Then he drops his gun and his eyes widen.

 

“Bellamy—” she chokes when he sprints toward the mouth of the cave.

 

Except when she sees what he has, she can barely breathe.

 

There they _are._

 

Raven, Echo, Emori, and the pilot from the Eligius crew. They all shout when Bellamy reaches them, wrapping their arms around him. Madi peers behind where Bellamy’s greeted and catches Clarke’s eyes, her face lighting up. “Clarke!” She exclaims, sprinting forward.

 

It’s quick, painful, and so very far.

 

Clarke holds Madi as if she never will let go, but can’t help but watch. _They are my family_ , replays in her head as she see them – people she considered family for years. Now they are feet apart?

 

She sees it.

 

Clarke grunts when Madi’s shifts and hits her waist. Madi’s hands run down until they reach her side, coming back up with black blood. “Clarke?” She asks worriedly, her words watery.

 

“Clarke?”

 

Raven’s head whips at the word, her face crumbling all at once.

 

She wanted this moment for years. Clarke waited for them all to return. Now? It’s too painful. It’s too painful to not be a part of something that she yearned for. That kept her alive. Raven rushes over to where she and Madi are, but Clarke can’t help but take an instinctive foot back. Raven stops as if Clarke has slapped her.

 

Clarke can’t think about it. If she does, she’ll fall apart and she’s been keeping it together for so long.

 

For six years.

 

“Help me get Indra and Gaia out of the Rover.” She demands instead, waving at the group to follow her.

 

Bellamy’s face scrunches up in confusion. “Clarke, why—”

 

“They’re not dead, Bellamy.” Clarke snaps, turning away from the family she’ll never be a part of. As soon as she’s no longer facing them, her face crumbles. She can’t help it. She wills herself to regroup, but she can’t. “I didn’t kill them. I just needed Octavia to think they were dead so she’d fight me.”

 

She moves quickly to the Rover, allowing the cold sting of valley air to dry her tears, as it has so many times when she hid them from Madi. Swinging the doors open, everyone gasps at the two bodies crumbled in the back.

 

“You fought Octavia?” Madi asks, her words scared and reverent.

 

“Yes.” Clarke states, nodding at Emori to grab Indra with Raven and Bellamy and Echo to take Gaia. She would try, but knows she only has very little time between when her own blood loss will be too great.

 

“How in the hell did you do that? Isn’t she like some crazy dictator murderer?” Raven asks, out of breath.

 

“Raven…” Bellamy warns, but she can tell from his tone that he’s curious too.

 

“Who do you think taught Madi?” Clarke snaps.

 

She focuses on the anger. The betrayal. Anything but the severe hurt she feels when the sight of them, a _family_ , play pettily over and over in her head. She has a family, she tells herself. Madi is her family.

 

“Unlike Bellamy, I know what the effects of the Flame are.” She says through gritted teeth. She can see Spacekru is taken aback by the heat of it, several casting questioning looks in Bellamy’s direction. “Madi, do you have the supplies I asked for?” Madi affirms, so Clarke puts her hand out. “I need to start with Indra. She startled me and I get her deeper than I intended.”

 

Clarke takes the blade from her side and swipes the buckles of Indra’s armor off, wincing at the sight before her. The cut is indeed deep, much deeper than she intended.

 

“Oh my god,” someone says and Clarke has to ignore them.

 

Instead, she tunes everything out and focuses on her work, sewing Indra’s skin back together. She takes it one stitch at a time, ignoring how her blood coats her hands. When she moves to Gaia, her hands are trembling from blood loss and her fingers start to tingle. Every once and a while, her vision narrows and she has to recalibrate, stretching her fingers.

 

The needle clatters to the ground.

 

“Clarke,”

 

Then Bellamy’s by her side, his hand hovering over her shoulder. “You’re injured, is there—”

 

“Do not _touch me._ ” Clarke seethes, not even sparing him a glance. “Get away from me, now.”

 

It’s as if the air is sucked out of the cave and Clarke knows Madi hasn’t warned them at all. Everyone looks at each other as if they have the answer, but Clarke can’t focus on that. She has to focus everything on Gaia before it’s too late.

 

Once she’s finished, Clarke’s almost lost all feeling in her legs and fingers. She set the needle down calmly, sucking in a breath while on all fours. “Okay, I think they’ll be fine.” She states at the two unconscious women. “They’ll be disoriented when they wake up so be prepared for them to fight. They passed out fighting, so much likely they will wake up fighting.”

 

“Clarke,” Raven asks carefully. “Why are you telling us this?”

 

Clarke grips the needle. “Because chances are I will not be awake when they do so.” She states matter-of-factly. Wincing as she attempts to pull her hands through the sleeves of her coat, Clarke tries to stifle whimpers as she does so. Her arm where Indra buried her blade in looks as disgusting as it is painful, black blood smeared up and down her bicep and forearm. Someone makes a noise, but Clarke shakes her head. “That’s not the one. Madi, can you help me get my shirt off?’

 

Now, Clarke had thought a lot about taking her shirt of for everyone in this room. Literally everyone. She didn’t expect it to be wanting to crawl away from each of them.

 

Madi scoots over, helping her lift her hands above her head as Clarke does everything in her power to keep her cries to herself. Madi gasps.

 

The injury is as bad as she thought it’d be.

 

Her waist has a deep cut, already inflamed and seeping more blood than she can keep up. Sucking in a breath, Clarke lays on her back and motions Raven to come over. “Okay, listen carefully.” Clarke says. She holds the need up with the stitching material close to Raven’s face. “It’s like sewing anything else. You take this end and you push it in here,”

 

Clarke sucks in a breath and lets out a tiny whimper as she shoves the needle in her skin. It isn’t the first time she’s stitched herself up, but she’s having a hard time feeling her fingers and never has done this with an audience. She sees Bellamy reach out in the corner of her eye, his hands halting before they can reach her.

 

She’s grateful.

 

And disappointed.

 

“—and then you pull it tight enough… for the s-skin to go together. You see?” Clarke says, her breath coming in small puffs.

 

Raven’s eyes are wide unlike she’s ever seen and for the first time in her life, Clarke sees it. Doubt. “Why are you telling me this?”

 

Clarke smiles weakly at her. “I can barely feel my fingers.” She admits with a chuckle. “I’m not going to be able to do this myself.” Sucking a breath, Clarke chokes, “I’m not going to be awake much longer. And you’re good with this stuff.”

 

“I’ve never done anything like this!”

 

“You’re a mechanic.” Clarke states calmly. “You’re methodical. Careful. You can do this.”

 

Raven shakes her head. “No. No, Clarke _you_ have to do this. You have to stay awake and you can do this.”

 

Clarke grins. “I’ll try. But Raven, please.”

 

“The first thing that I do when I see you isn’t going to be repeatedly stabbing you with a needle!” Raven exclaims, her words too loud and too high pitched to even be Raven’s. “I haven’t even hugged you yet! Or told you how much I…” Raven’s eyes water. “How much I missed you.”

 

“Raven, we have time for that.” Clarke says. “Later. I’m not going anywhere.”

 

“That’s not funny—”

  
Clarke can’t focus on it anymore. It’s too painful. It’s painful to hear the yearning of someone who is no longer a part of a family she can join.

 

So instead she focuses on sewing. She pushes and pulls the needle against her skin, after a while unable to keep the crying at bay. Clarke allows the tears to stream and goes until her fingers fall and the needle clatters from her hands.

 

***

 

Clarke doesn’t know what happens in the next few hours. She doesn’t even know if they are even hours. They feel like pockets of time she’s jumping in and out of.

 

Her head lolls to her side and everything’s too hot. She feels the sweltering heat and she tries to turn her head and the world rolls with her.

 

A face appears before her and it takes her far too long to realize that it’s Bellamy. She reminds herself he has facial hair now and she tries to lift a hand to reach his face, but they feel like weights. Everything’s hot and out of focused and she’s _confused_. Clarke tries to tell herself that this is textbook fever and infection, but she can’t process that information because her body’s on fire and he’s too close and everything _hurts._

 

She’s not even sure if he’s real.

 

Perhaps this is all a dream. Maybe every last piece of it is. Maybe she’s still with Eligius and the shocks have affected her brain and Bellamy never came. This is her self-preservation instinct at its finest.

 

Things aren’t connecting and she hurts and suddenly without being able to stop it, Clarke mutters, “Why would you do that?” The words are weaker and more broken than she ever wanted, stumbling over each other like boulders crumbling from the foundation of their relationship. “You promised.”

 

It’s small. Sad. Scared.

 

No anger, no rage like she felt.

 

Shattered glass.

 

“Clarke,” he breathes next to her and then there’s a pressure on her hand and she realizes he’s taken it. He brings it up and holds it against her chest and Clarke is having a hard time putting together that the hand in his is even hers. “I’m so sorry.”

 

“You promised and you left me.”

 

The grip around her hand tightens.

 

“Why?” She begs for an answer. She doesn’t know if this is real, but she needs an answer.

 

Bellamy doesn’t answer right away. He holds her hand like he’s not entirely sure she’s there and she can vaguely feel his thumb rubbing against her palm. “She was going to kill you, Clarke.” Bellamy says. “She… she was going to kill you.”

 

Clarke shakes her head slightly, the world turning. She makes a noise, desperately wishing it would stop. Then, she feels a hand press against her cheek and it feels so cool she can’t help but lean into it. “I didn’t ask you to save me,” Clarke weeps. “I asked you to save Madi. You have to let me go.”

 

“Clarke—”

 

“You have to let me die.” Clarke says, because it’s the truth.

 

She owed the Ground her life. One of these days, it will demand its debt.

 

He holds her hand so tightly, she begins to lose feeling again. Maybe it’s the darkness calling her. She reaches out like a friend, but Bellamy holds her here, demanding she stay. “You have to let me go.” She cries, her words tiny and weak.

 

“No.”

 

Clarke barely registers it, but Bellamy brings her palm and presses his lips to the back of her hand. “I won’t. I refuse.”

 

“P-Please,” Clarke begs. “You have to save Madi, even if it means letting me go.”

 

“No.”

 

“I should’ve died,” Clarke mumbles, the fever taking over her brain and ability to register anything. “I should’ve died six years ago. I should’ve—”

 

Darkness calls to her and finally, she answers.

 

***

 

It’s days before Clarke, Indra, or Gaia can even begin to move. Clarke tries only a day after the arena and is met with a fierce Raven and Madi, who seem to have already teamed up in her unconsciousness. She allows them this, mainly because she’s too tired to care and her brain is too fevered to argue.

 

Clarke knows infection when she sees it and knows without antibiotics, there’s really nothing more that she can do for herself. She hears whispers about the Elgius crew, so when the three are able to stand and the group is making its way to the Rover, Clarke hesitates.

 

Madi’s next to Raven, smiling and laughing with Spacekru as Indra keep Gaia close.

 

Three groups. Wonkru, Eligius, and Spacekru.

 

And she belongs to none.

 

“Madi, stick close to Raven.” Clarke finds herself saying, hanging back.

 

Everyone turns to face her, Bellamy even taking a step forward, which she counters. “Clarke, what are you doing?”

 

“My mom is with the Eligius crew.” She says.

 

As soon as the words are out of her mouth, she knew.

 

Perhaps that’s where she belongs. Perhaps not. But she wasn’t a part of this family, that was already determined. She would never be a part of Wonkru.

 

Clarke tilts her head up. “Use the Rover to get Monty and Harper if you can.”

 

“Clarke, no.” Bellamy snaps, moving toward her again, which she retreats. “You aren’t going by yourself to Eligius.”

 

“Yes, I am.” Clarke faces Raven. “Keep Madi safe.”

 

“We all will,’ Raven says hesitantly.

 

“No.” Clarke snaps, her focus lasered on Bellamy. “No, you all wouldn’t.”

 

Bellamy flinches, his eyes filled with hurt at the accusation.

 

When he doesn’t respond, Raven takes over. “Clarke, I’m sorry, but you can’t go. You haven’t seen your mother. She’s an addict who will do whatever she needs to get her next fix. She will hurt you to get what she wants.”

 

Clarke pauses. “Yeah,” she says quietly to herself. “Don’t we all?”

 

Turning around, she doesn’t let them get another word in. Madi rushes over, putting her hands in front of Clarke. “No, you can’t leave. And if you do, I’m coming with you.”

 

Clarke smiles, placing her hands on either side of Madi’s face. Kissing her forehead, Clarke states. “Not this time. You have to help them navigate the area. And you’ll be safe with Raven. If anyone tries to pull anything, she’ll whip them into shape.”

 

“No,” Madi whimpers. “I can’t leave you.”

 

“It’s only a temporary goodbye. I promise.” Clarke pulls Madi into a hug, ignoring the pull of her stitches. Impeccable work by Raven, not that she expected anything different. “We will meet again.”

 

Madi holds on, but doesn’t argue. After a while, Clarke pulls away and moves past her.

 

“Clarke, stop.” Bellamy moves in front of her, his hands up. “You can’t go. It’s too dangerous, you’re hurt, and Murphy and Kane will get your mother back.”

 

Clarke shakes her head. “No.”

 

“I’m not letting you!”

 

“It’s not your decision, Bellamy!” Clarke snaps. “We’re not family, you’ve made that perfectly clear. Now, you have your people back, so please take them and go.”

 

Bellamy startles at her words. His eyes widen and he opens his mouth, “Clarke, no—”

 

“I’m going.” Clarke demands. “You have to let me go.”

 

She brushes past him, telling herself not to look back. She can’t look back at him.

 

Faintly behind her, she hears him say, “No.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Clarke leaves to find her mother, Bellamy and the rest of the survivors go to save Monty and Harper from the Bunker. As Bellamy experiences the changes in Madi's demeanor and thoughts, he realizes the repercussions of his actions.
> 
> Part Two of THE WALL BETWEEN US.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone!
> 
> Firstly, thank you so much for taking the time to read what is now, Part One! Many people asked for a second part, and while I wasn’t planning on it, I do think there was a certain openness to the ending I want to close. So here we are, THE WALL BETWEEN US, Part Two – in Bellamy’s POV. 
> 
> Now, I know that Madi’s transformation is a little intense in my fic – to be honest, it’s directly inspired by Bob’s opinion of the Flame (that I 100% agree with): that when you have the Flame connected into your brain, you’re sharing your personality / mannerisms with everyone before you. So Madi in this is now a collection of all 13 Commanders before her and thinking of her people instead of individuals. Therefore, the sweet preteen only comes out in spurts, but her focus is saving her people from Octavia.
> 
> (It’s not the first chapter in Bellamy’s POV, it picks up where the last chapter left off.)

THE WALL BETWEEN US: Part Two

_Bellamy_

Bellamy places one foot in front of the other as a way to stabilize himself with a mind that’s spiraling out of control.

 

The past twenty-four hours don’t actually feel real anymore. It’s as if he was living outside of his body and watching the events unfold. Echo strides next to him, but he can’t bring himself to even look at her at this point. Not when his mind is in different places – different worlds.

 

When Bellamy found out Clarke was alive, it was as if the world fell apart and pieced itself together all in a moment. A moment that was overwhelming, heartbreaking, exciting, surprising, and life-altering. He marveled at how she felt like the same person as before, quiet but strong. They fell into a similar routine that seemed as easy as breathing, which scared him. He spent years trying to be better for her and found himself in the same place he was six year ago.

 

Then, he saw the differences.

 

He saw the outward panic, the spill of emotions, the heartbreak. She moved and reacted in ways the Clarke he remembered never did, pouring all her devotion into the only person he had in the world. The worst part? The worst part is he gets it. He remembers when Octavia was small and scared, and how he did what he could to help her through what life threw at her. How his devotion was solely to her, and her alone.

 

The Praimfaya fire had burned Clarke Griffin alive.

 

_Kom folau, oso nag yon op._

 

He wanted to stop Clarke from leaving, but felt like he couldn’t. He didn’t have a right to do so after the Flame, after the slap. He knew that if he moved forward without her, he was drawing a line in the sand that he would never be able to cross again. So, without warning, she slipped through his fingers yet again.

 

And he let her, yet again.

 

“You were warned she wouldn’t forgive you.”

 

Bellamy’s startled by the even words coming up from behind him, whirling around to see Madi approach his right side. The way she moves and speaks is unlike what he remembers. All the childish and innocent demeanor is gone. Her eyes seem trained around her, like she’s surveying anything that could be considered a threat and is ready to attack. Madi’s gazes at him out of the corner of her eyes. It’s as if she douses him with ice water as she does so. “You don’t see the Flame as she does.”

 

Bellamy’s too taken aback to respond. This is the girl that he begged to take the flame. The girl who retreated the moment Gaia took the Flame out to ask her. Every piece of who she is seemingly has evaporated and been replaced with a maturity he doesn’t understand. When he doesn’t say anything, Madi says, “What is our goal? Because I need to rescue my people from the hands of your sister.”

 

“Is this the little kid you were talking about?” Bellamy hears Raven whisper to Echo. “Because she doesn’t act like how you described.”

 

Echo doesn’t respond, but Bellamy can feel her stare on him. “Madi,” Bellamy starts, not able to put to words what he wants to, but instead see the changes as if Clarke is pleading him all over again. He hears her begging echoing in his head, over and over again. “You can’t go against Octavia.”

 

Madi fully turns to him. “She has my people. She has massacred hundreds of them. And they’re all going to die if she forces them into a war she clearly cannot win. It is my responsibility as Heda to protect them from threats and your sister is a threat.”

 

“You can’t go back to the Bunker, Madi.” Bellamy insists, unable to take in the change of the girl before him. “Clarke was right, Octavia views you two as a threat to her reign. Clarke said she even tried to have you executed after she let you go.”

 

“And the only reason he didn’t is because he saw my legitimacy of the throne. He recognized who I was.” Madi says calmly. “I trust that my people will fall in line when given the option as well. They do not have to follow a tyrant any longer.”

 

Echo places a hand on Bellamy’s arm, but he barely feels it. She says, “Madi, you must use the wisdom of the Commanders to guide you here. Octavia is going into a war she cannot win and you would be massacred on the spot.”

 

Madi’s head tilts in a way that is far too calculated and chills run down Bellamy’s spine. “Do you not acknowledge the power Commanders, Echo kom Azgeda?”

 

Even Echo takes a step back from her, Emori moving closer to provide support. The two of them are looking at Madi in a type of awe that he hasn’t seen since before Praimfaya and there’s small part of him that doesn’t know what he’s done. He can feel the ghost of the slap on his face where Clarke had stood, her eyes boring into his as if he didn’t understand the extent of his actions. Perhaps he didn’t. When he looks at the twelve-year-old in front of him, her hand hovering by her hilt, maybe he never knew.

 

“You need to get Harper and Monty. I need to save my people.”

 

“What about Clarke?” Raven asks.

 

Bellamy almost feels bad for Raven, she hasn’t been a part of anything regarding the bunker and has no history with the lineage of the Commanders. So her brain focuses on what it can: her own people. Bellamy has watched as her loyalty never fails and he’s grateful for it.

 

Madi blinks. “What do you mean?”

 

Bellamy tries not to show how startled he is, but Raven has no such filter. “Isn’t she your people?”

 

Madi arches an eyebrow. “Wasn’t she yours?”

 

Bellamy’s own words echo in his ears and he sees the hurt on Clarke’s face, painted as if a mosaic he has to watch over and over again. _They are my family._ When he said those words, he knew what it implied. He knew that to save Clarke’s life, he had to betray it.

 

That price? He was willing to make.

 

But the miniscule flinch, the way her eyes watered, he would never forget. The way she recoiled from him after the arena. The way she shouted and tried to escape.

 

“Clarke said that you should go get Monty and Harper and I am to guide you.” Madi states, unsheathing the sword at her side. She brings it up so the point is eyelevel with everyone around her. “Are you going to contradict both she and I?”

 

Again, Bellamy can’t respond.

 

When he doesn’t, she pushes past him, flicking her fingers to the Rover, which is mere yards away. Bellamy can’t bring himself to follow her. Indra places a hand on his shoulder. “The Flame will always change who someone is. No child has ever made it out alive after ascending.”

 

Gaia gives him a soft smile. “She will save us all, Bellamy. We did the right thing to have her ascend. Don’t you see the wisdom and strength she now has? She can save everyone from Blodreina.”

 

Except Bellamy doesn’t see it. Instead he sees the terrified child bursting through the woods to beg him to save Clarke. A child who recognized him instantly, through means he never understood.

 

A child who is no longer with them.

 

“It is hard for one outside our world to understand.” Indra says when Bellamy feels sick at Gaia’s words. “We have the Commanders because it is necessary to approach the world with peace. But unlike Madi, our children with nightblood have been trained from a young age by the previous Heda, so the transition isn’t so drastic. For a _nightblida_ to have no formal training and to take the Flame is highly irregular. But trust that we did what we had to do to survive.”

 

Bellamy stares where Madi climbs into the driver’s seat of the Rover, peering at them as they don’t follow. “Did we, Indra?”

 

Indra takes a breath. “I do not regret holding hope that Octavia would still be alive within Blodreina, and risking everything for that. I do not regret giving the people another Commander. What I regret is being unable to stop her transformation before it was too late.”

 

Bellamy can’t help it, his eyes water as he thinks of his sister staring at him from above. Of how he gambled with everyone’s lives when he was unable to let go of one. Indra stares into his eyes. “All we can do now is move forward and hope to save the lives of those she marches to death.”

 

With a curt nod, Bellamy brushes past everyone to make sure he seats himself next to Madi in the passenger seat. Everyone else clambers back, both Indra and Gaia moving slowly as their wounds haven’t healed. Echo seats herself directly behind him and places a hand on his shoulder. It’s comforting and grounding, even though there’s something within him that wants to shake it. A part of himself he doesn’t understand. Madi starts the Rover as soon as everyone’s inside.

 

“There are some biological containers back here!” Raven calls from the back. “And I’m not sure I care to know what’s in them.”

 

“The eggs.” Indra breathes. “Octavia had them loaded in the Rover before arresting Clarke. They must’ve forgotten they were stored here.”

 

Bellamy frowns. “We can’t bring them back to Octavia. She’ll destroy the valley with them.”

 

“We can’t release them, they’ll destroy the valley anyway!”

 

“Clarke found a way to destroy them altogether.” Madi states softly. Her hand grips the wheel of the Rover tightly until her knuckles whiten.

 

Bellamy turns his attention toward her. For a small second, she seems like herself again. The small, yet feisty child ready to leap into battle, but loyal to the one who saved her. “She did?” Indra asks when Bellamy doesn’t respond.

 

“She told me after the desert storm you went through, she didn’t recognize them because she’d never see them burrow inside a person before.” Madi continues. “But we once encountered them on a trek to Becca’s bunker to try and find medical instruments after we both had a few incidents that required more than bandages.”

 

Bellamy shuts his eyes.

 

He knew the six years on the ground can’t have been easy. But he accepted Clarke’s statement that with Madi it was, because it was easier. It was easier to accept that the woman he left to die didn’t struggle, because he couldn’t take on anymore guilt.

 

“We watched them devour a bird carcass from inside the Rover.” Madi continues with even sparing Bellamy a glance. “Clarke was afraid they could somehow damage the Rover, so she threw a flare that was in the glove compartment to see if they reacted to light or heat. It turns out they’re incredibly flammable. They can’t survive fire.”

 

What can survive fire?

 

Bellamy thinks of the Death Wave descending on the world.

 

_Kom folau, oso nag yon op._

 

“So we light them on fire.” Emori states form the backseat. “I’d feel much better riding in this Rover if I wasn’t sitting next to man-eating bugs.”

 

Echo makes a noise. A noise Bellamy is familiar with. A noise that means she’s thinking of something ruthless, as she did so many times before the Ark. “It would be a waste to simply destroy them.” She finally states.

 

“No,” Bellamy says before she can continue. “We’re not releasing them in the valley. We don’t know their lasting effects, we don’t know if the valley can survive. We’re not going to destroy the last-known habitable piece of land left on earth to win a war!”

 

Echo takes a breath. “I don’t mean use them on the Valley.”

 

The Rover skids to a halt. With a quick motion, Madi unsheathes her sword and swings it back so that it is under Echo’s throat. It’s such a smooth and unexpected action that Bellamy can’t react in time to do anything about it. Instead, he puts his hands up as Madi holds the blade right at Echo’s neck. “You dare threaten my people, Echo kom Azgeda?” She asks in a low voice.

 

Echo flinches, but does nothing else. She doesn’t speak, she doesn’t fight back.

 

“Madi,” Indra says quietly. “She did not mean to threaten your people.”

 

For not the first time, Bellamy is grateful to have Indra in the Rover – someone who has been hesitant to the Flame but loyal to the Commanders. Someone who knows how it works and what it represents: the good, the bad, and the terrifying.

 

“I meant no disrespect,” Echo states, swallowing so Bellamy has to watch as the blade bounces from her throat. “I merely meant we could soften the field, as many Commanders have done before you.”

 

Madi presses her sword tighter. “I will not sacrifice my own. Do you understand?”

 

“Madi, you must accept that you cannot save everyone.” Gaia states from the back. “You must accept the wisdom of the Commanders before you. And know that how we get peace is to eradicate what threatens it. A Commander does not react on violence to disagreement.”

 

Madi hesitates. Bellamy watches as the sword falls ever so slightly. “We give them a chance.” Madi states, the blade faltering slightly. “We give them a chance to follow their Heda. And if they refuse? We’ll release the eggs in the Bunker.”

 

Sheathing her sword, Madi starts the Rover again and continue to drive.

 

Bellamy wonders what he’s done. Madi turns to him. “If your sister crosses me or threatens my people, I will not hesitate.”

 

The chill sinks into his bones.

 

“Raven,” Madi calls to the back. “Clarke told me all about your genius with mechanics. Is there a way to keep them insulated and not hatch until we’d like them to?”

 

Raven startles. “I’m sorry?”

 

“We can place the eggs in the bunker and control when they’re released if that’s the case, right?”

 

Bellamy turns around and see Raven staring at him, eyes wide. He nods at her concern, unable to think of any reason to deter Madi. “Yes, I think I could rig something up.”

 

“Can you do it before we arrive in the Bunker?”

 

“I think so?”

 

“Please do it. We’ll give them the opportunity to follow.” Madi states. “Polis is already nothing but ruins, so I don’t think it is necessary to conserve.”

 

Raven hesitates before getting to work. “What else did Clarke tell you about us? Echo says she told you stories.”

 

It’s the first time Bellamy has seen Madi pause since returning with the Flame. Her focused eyes widen and she seems younger in a matter of seconds. “You were always the heroes.” She says quietly. “She said that you saved her life more than she could count and that she couldn’t survive without you there. I always thought it was why she tried so hard to reach out to you. That, even if she couldn’t have you next to her, she had a piece of people she considered family. I guess that doesn’t go both ways, right?”

 

Madi turns her attention to Bellamy with a ferocity that he recognizes. It isn’t of the Commanders, but of the Girl Under the Floor raised by the Girl Left Behind. Except there is so much in what she said, Bellamy could only focus on one thing.

 

“What do you mean she tried to reach out to us?” Bellamy asks carefully.

 

Madi doesn’t respond right away. In fact, he can see the conflict written all over her face as she takes a breath. “I shouldn’t tell you.” The words are small and finally that of a child. No expanded wisdom. Simply a child.

 

Raven moves closer, nowhere near the containers with the eggs in them. She’s not even pretending to do as Madi asked. “She tried to reach us?” She asks, eyes wide. “How?”

 

“Radio.” Madi answers. “But, she didn’t try to reach everyone.” She answers. Biting her lip, she turns to Bellamy. “She just tried to reach you.”

 

Bellamy recoils as if she hit him, unable to respond. Echo’s hand tightens on his shoulder, but he barely feels it. _They are my family_ replays in his mind when he was steeling himself to betray Clarke to save her life. _They are my family, they are my family, they are my family._

 

“How…” The word gets lost in Bellamy’s throat. He tries to clear it, but finds he has to start several times before he can truly speak. “How long did she try to reach out to… me?”

 

He almost says ‘us,’ but he knows this is on him. Because quite frankly? If the roles were reversed, the first person he would try to reach out to was Clarke.

 

Madi bows her head. “What do you mean?” She asks, even though Bellamy can tell by her tone that she knows exactly what he means.

 

“How long did she try to reach us? After Praimfaya.”

 

Madi sighs. “She called 2,199 days in a row.”

 

Bellamy’s eyes widen. His head has never been one for math, but it doesn’t have to be when he hears Raven in the back of the Rover say after a few seconds, “That’s the amount of days we were in space.”

 

It’s as if someone steals his breath. Although Bellamy refused to ever admit it, but it was not the first time Clarke Griffin had taken his breath away.

 

But it was the worst way.

 

“She called me? Every day?”

 

“Actually, the first time I ever saw her, she was talking to you.” Madi says, her eyes distant. “I was afraid of her, because I didn’t know anyone else survived. She was talking to someone, so I thought that multiple people survived. But she was talking to you.”

 

Bellamy has to look away. He focuses his attention on the road ahead of them, the Rover feeling too big and too small all at once.

 

It was a terrible curse, being alive. Because every decision you make holds so much weight and can alter the way of the world. His decisions had the power to do so and he desperately tried to make up for the times they altered the world for the worst. He knew his mistakes and moved forward. Except he didn’t know any of this and it’s destroying him.

 

“What did she talk about?” He asks, even though he’s unsure if he actually wants to know the answer.

 

“Mainly about our day. Things she discovered.” Madi says. “Except when she was sad.” Madi bows her head. “She never let me here those. I think she didn’t want me to feel bad that you all left her to die. It was good for me, but I’ll never know if it was good for her.”

 

Bellamy stares at the road. The dirt. The clouds and the sun shining down on them. He ignored the tears and the guilt festering in his stomach, longing for even more.

 

“She went by herself to radio you then. She’d be gone for hours.” Madi admits. “You were the hero in all your stories, Bellamy. Everything you did, you did together.”

 

 _Together_.

 

He promised they would go the Valley together.

 

And he was right, in a way. Clarke did make it to the Valley with him, covered in blood and betrayal. Just as he was. For the dark moments where she was gone, he realized that what brought he and Clarke apart was what brought them together on the Ground. A fierce protection of someone they loved and the desire to save many. Except this time the role was reversed and neither knew what to do.

 

“She loved you all.” Madi says. “And that was enough for her to stay alive.”

 

Bellamy closes his eyes and the tears fall.

 

***

 

Reaching the Bunker was quicker and longer than he expected. No one says much the rest of the way, Madi focusing on the road by the slight tinkering of Raven’s work resounds in the back. Bellamy uses the drive to Polis to really _breathe_ for the first time. From the moment his feet were on the ground, everything crumbled. Everything still crumbled, but he’s known from previous experience, he needs to take whatever moment he can.

 

Echo squeezes his shoulder. “Is this a good idea? You three just escaped and we’re going back in?”

 

“We didn’t have the strength of the Commander last time.” Gaia says. “We won’t be alone.”

 

Bellamy shakes his head. “We’re here to get Monty and Harper, and that’s it.”

 

“And set the eggs.” Raven states.

 

“And get my people back.” Madi says.

 

“Madi, listen!” Bellamy exclaims. “Clarke would not want you even to come into the bunker. You were supposed to guide us, and you have. I promised her that I would protect you and while she believes that you receiving the Flame broke that, I am not gong to break that promise. You cannot go inside there. Octavia will try to kill you if you do!”

 

Madi’s hands reach for her sword hilt, but Indra steps in between her. “Listen to _reason_ , Heda.”

 

At the word ‘Heda,’ Madi flinches and blinks. Indra places her hand on Madi’s shoulder. “I spent my life upholding the respect of the Commanders and I will do the same for you. But you dying needlessly at the hand of someone who cannot be reasoned with will not be the best for your people. We need you alive. We are going to get Monty and Harper and spread the word of your survival. Give your people the option. Stay out here with the Rover, be prepared to run, but also be prepared to accept your people.”

 

Indra extends her arm for Madi, who looks at it expectantly. Then with a swift move, she grabs it, nodding at her.

 

Bellamy releases a breath as Madi stays in the Rover, her dark eyes trained on the Bunker entrance. With a quick nod to Indra, Bellamy checks his gun before motioning Raven and Emori to follow with the eggs. “Since they are readying for war, they will be at the fighting pit.” Indra says to Bellamy. “We’ll need to enter through the back. I think the easiest way to release the eggs is to put them at various exit points, in case people focus on one area of the bunker. They will be able to escape it, if they choose to. We can give them a choice.”

 

Bellamy hesitates. He thinks of Octavia and everyone inside. People he fought against, people he fought with. People who will not stop until the Valley is burned to the ground.

 

“Bellamy,” Indra says, placing her hand on his shoulder. “You did not fail. Octavia is down a path that could’ve been prevented, but it couldn’t have been prevented by you. She spiraled in the Bunker and I didn’t realize the extent of which her pain clouded her judgment. By the time you got here, she was too far gone. You did not fail your sister.

 

Indra straightens. “I did.”

 

Bellamy blinks away a few tears. “No,” Bellamy says, his voice raspy. “It isn’t on you.” Taking a breath, he says, “You can’t pour the sins of another on yourself and call it love.”

 

Indra’s own eyes are watery and she unsheathes her sword. “For the human race to survive, some must fall.” She says evenly. “As is life.”

 

Bellamy knows this. He knows this like he knows a select few truths in the world. One, Spacekru _is_ his family. Two, he will protect Madi because he gave his word. And three, Clarke is his family as well.

 

He desperately wishes to see her again to make her believe it.

 

“Alright,” Bellamy states, turning to everyone. “Our goal is to get Monty and Harper out. Gaia, you focus on those ready to defect against Blodreina and see who will willingly follow Madi. Be sure to tell them that regardless, they need to leave the Bunker. Indra, go with her to make sure she’s protected.”

 

“We may have survived the pit together Bellamy, but I don’t need your orders to protect my own daughter.” Indra states.

 

He can’t help it, the corners of his mouth twitch. “We are here to as a rescue mission, and nothing more. We are here to get Monty and Harper, and save out family. Then, we are going to go back to the Valley and get Murphy, Kane, Abby, and Clarke. We will save our family and figure out how to stop this endless war. Together.”

 

Raven smiles, her hands gingerly carrying one of the containers with the eggs. “All of us.”

 

Bellamy nods. “We have an opportunity to do this right. We have had an actual do over with our time on earth and it has spiraled. We will figure out a way to make it through this. As long as we stay together. We don’t split up anymore.”

 

He takes a long look at those around him, the people that has transformed into his family. When he was on the Ark, he vowed to live a better life for a person he thought had died. A person who pleaded for mercy, but had been enveloped by a world that turned her into something else. When he was on the Ark, he wanted nothing more to make it to earth, to reclaim the last piece of his family. A member who he had no idea had died, long ago, replaced with a shell of a person.

 

Who is his family now?

 

His family is those around him. Who he’s trusted with every piece of himself. His family is in the hyrdofarm, insisting they act better. His family is next to him, ready to charge the Bunker despite its challenges. His family is in the Rover, hand on the hilt of her sword and ready to fight.

 

His family is in Shallow Valley, fighting to save one of their own.

 

All of them.

 

Bellamy focuses on that and it doesn’t feel like the world is ending as much. The pain in his chest that wouldn’t leave when his sister places the restraints on his wrist alleviates. He chooses to focus on the good. Bellamy knows they’ll move past this all. They’ll all be reunited again.

 

All of them.

 

Together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: SO MANY THINGS.
> 
> I focused on a few things for a few reasons: 1) I genuinely think Bellamy doesn’t understand the extent of the Flame because he wasn’t in Polis when the massacre happened, Lexa died, etc. The only two people outside of the Grounders who really get it are Clarke and Murphy. So to him, I don’t think he thinks he broke his promise and genuinely believes it was the only way to save Clarke. 2) I wanted him smacked in the face with Madi’s change because he’s one of the only ones who new her before the Flame. 3) I wanted him to regroup and know they need to be together. ALL OF THEM.
> 
> Also, I brought back “From the ashes, we will rise” because I think it’s less of a Wonkru thing, and more of a Clarke Griffin thing? Wonkru has kinda lost itself because of Blodreina, but Clarke was surrounded by Praimfaya and still survived… 
> 
> I started to continue to write and then it was turning to be like another S5 Canon-but-not fic, which I already made (haha). And I really wanted them to think about the eggs clearly instead of have Clarke toss them in the desert..??? They are definitely going to come back in existence (my theory is that it’s what will be Wonkru’s undoing) – but it seemed like such a careless mistake. I know Clarke is all heart this season, but she’s also a clever person and has to know that was a dumb idea.
> 
> So much love! I hope you enjoyed!! <3 <3

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Okay, that was WAY angstier than intended. But I really wanted Clarke to get Bellamy and I have this silly, not-real head canon that Clarke has imprints of the Commanders from her time with the Flame. I mean, Raven now knows how to code…????
> 
> I was really sad over the “they are my family” line and while I understand why he said it (we can argue whether he even realized how it sounded or if he was using it to try and convince her), but I really wanted that having a lasting effect.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed!!! So much love <3 <3 <3


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